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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29223495">The First Time He Truly Sees You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee'>Nadja_Lee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood Has Self-Worth Issues, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Episode: s02e08 Love is a Devil, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pining, Romantic Fluff, Spells &amp; Enchantments, Suicide Attempt, Supportive Jace Wayland, True Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 13:08:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29223495</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>His whole life Alec has loved Jace in a way he knew Jace would never return. Years of struggling inner and outer demons has left Alec devastated. At Max’s rune ceremony Alec gives up fighting and is about to jump to his death. However, as he is standing up on that ledge one voice comes through his pain-filled heart; his parabatai.<br/>Or: Faced with losing Alec to his pain, Jace truly sees Alec for the first time and realizes he loves him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>256</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Jalec Prompt Challenge - February</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The First Time He Truly Sees You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks so much to my amazing beta readers as always: Cindy and Monochromatize.<br/>For the prompt words First Time.<br/>Thanks so much to Regina Danica for the great story banner.<br/>Story warnings: Referenced child abuse, referenced self-harm. Mention of Alec trying to kill himself (but that's canon). Meantion of demon possession and Jocelyn being killed (also canon). Guilt. Angst. References to homophobia. Has a happy ending, fluff and healing.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>Alec had always fought for love and acceptance from those around him. However, even today at Max’s rune ceremony, Alec hadn’t felt that from Maryse or Max.</p><p>Magnus had been a beam of light but despite trying, Alec couldn’t forget the man he had loved since boyhood. His golden parabatai. <em>Nephilim love once, fiercely</em> and Alec couldn’t shift his affections from Jace to Magnus no matter how much he tried.</p><p>He had kissed Magnus publically in his first act of defiance. He had paid for it: Demotion, physical punishment, alienation, and his parents had disowned him. They only spoke to him regarding business or family responsibilities like Max’s ceremony.</p><p>Jace had gone with Valentine after chasing after Clary like a lost puppy from day one, <em>leaving him</em>. Izzy had hated him for trying to obey the rules, not realizing he was trying to protect everyone from punishment.</p><p>The pain of almost losing Jace to Clary first and then to Valentine had almost killed him. Realizing he had killed Jocelyn while he had been possessed by a demon was the last straw. He was haunted by the belief that Clary was right. He was a murderer. He had wanted Jocelyn dead. He had hated her for trying to kill Jace. What kind of mother was she?!</p><p>When Jace started staying at Magnus’ loft Alec had been fighting to please them both and unable to fully do either, split between different types of loves and obligations. It had been a relief when Magnus had suggested they build a friendship instead of a relationship. They had quickly realized they were better as friends.</p><p>However, despite moments of joy, Alec’s days were mostly dark, bleak, and merciless. He tried to stoically take the bullying at the Institute, to take the demotion, the whispers, accept the shitty missions no one else wanted…. He had tried to deal with it the way he had always dealt with internal pain; by hurting himself. However, Jace could feel it if he overdid it.</p><p>So here he was, on the ledge of Magnus’ balcony, Clary yelling at him he should jump, that everyone wanted him gone. And why not? She was right. He was worthless and everyone would be better off without him. Her words echoed his own feelings and insecurities perfectly. Had he been more level headed he would have been suspicious of just how perfect a mirror her words were to his tormented mind.</p><p>Alec hesitated just as he was to jump to his death. Jace would feel the pain. Though it wasn’t enough to stop him. Jace was strong in ways he wasn’t. He would get over it. He was only holding him back.</p><p>Just as Alec was to take the final step a familiar voice stopped him.</p><p>“Alec! Stop!”</p><p>It was Jace. He sounded anxious. Alec hesitated. He shouldn’t turn around. Jace would just repeat Clary’s words of scorn and he couldn’t take it.</p><p>“Alec, please!” Jace begged.</p><p>It was the edge of desperation in Jace’s voice that made Alec turn to face him. He had never been able to deny Jace anything if he truly needed it.</p><p>Jace came closer, giving Alec a worried look, his face pale from shock and terror at what he had almost witnessed.</p><p>“Alec, please come down from there,” Jace said, his voice oddly tender and shaking slightly.</p><p>“Why?” Alec asked softly, giving him a piercing look. “What do I have to live for?”</p><p>Jace sank as he took a step closer and then stopped, “Me.”</p><p>“You’ll be fine,” Alec insisted but felt a hint of guilt.</p><p>Jace shook his head insistently, “Never!”</p><p>“You have Clary and….” Alec protested.</p><p>“I need you, Alec!” Jace interrupted sharply, emotionally. He reached out a hand to Alec as he added softly, “I only ever needed you.”</p><p>Alec fought his rising emotions as he got out, “You don’t need me like I do.”</p><p>“Alec, I’ve been a fool,” Jace admitted softly. “It wasn’t till I saw you just now, standing there…about to lose you…” Jace’s voice died away as he fought to be able to speak.</p><p>“You’ll be fine.”</p><p>“Alec, what I am trying to say is that I love you,” Jace told him strongly.</p><p>“Not how I love you,” Alec whispered anguished.</p><p>“Yes, like you love me,” Jace insisted, waving his outstretched hand in invitation.</p><p>“You do?” Alec asked shocked, his tone filled with disbelief.</p><p>“I do and if you come down from there, I swear to spend the rest of my life showing it,” Jace vowed.</p><p>“But we are parabatai. We can’t ever be together,” Alec protested.</p><p>“Actually, Alexander, you can,” Magnus interrupted. “I was alive when the Clave invented the so-called curse to discourage same sex relationships. I just told Jace this tonight.”</p><p>His voice made Alec focus on him. He had come up behind Jace, looking concerned, magic circling his right hand, ready to intervene if needs be.</p><p>Alec was stunned into silence at the news.</p><p>“Alec, please,” Jace beseeched. “Take my hand.”</p><p>“You hear Jace’s true words and not the spell. Only a deep and real bond can do that,” Magnus insisted stubbornly.</p><p>“You…love me?” Alec marveled.</p><p>Jace nodded and smiled fondly, “I do.”</p><p>“I’m…weak and broken,” Alec warned, waving a hand to illustrate their surroundings.</p><p>“I’m not perfect either,” Jace reminded him, his voice shaking a bit from emotions. “But together, we can heal.”</p><p>“You mean it?” Alec asked hopefully. “<em>Please</em> mean it.”</p><p>“I mean it, Alec,” Jace swore. He paused before adding affectionately, “Alec, take my hand now and I swear to you I will never let you go.”</p><p>“Promise?” Alec asked softly.</p><p>Jace nodded, “I promise. I’m sorry it took me so long to truly see you, but I do now and I’m <em>never</em> letting you go.”</p><p>Alec smiled joyfully, tears on his cheeks. He took a step forward…and put his hand in Jace’s.</p><p>Jace held Alec’s hand tightly as Alec did with his. Neither of them ever let go again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed the story. It would mean a lot to me.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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